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Fear

Submitted by Mini on Sun, 2024-05-12 12:05

Time is a haunting spirit
It petrifies me to my core
Despite my efforts, I can't draw near to you
Held back by fear's grasp
Yet if I remain motionless
I'll never offer comfort
Or listen to you for hours
Divvy my counsel
Bring you joy
Wipe your tears
Surrender myself wholly
Why, then, does dread immobilize me
From drawing near to a rose
That blooms devoid of thorn's

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-05-12 18:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Fear" effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a sense of apprehension and paralysis. The metaphor of time as a "haunting spirit" is intriguing and sets a strong emotional tone. The use of the rose, typically a symbol of love and beauty, as an object of fear due to its potential thorns is also a compelling image.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The lines vary significantly in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow and make the poem feel disjointed.

Additionally, the poem's theme of fear and paralysis in the face of potential intimacy is clear, but the speaker's motivations and the source of their fear could be explored in more depth. This would add complexity and nuance to the poem, making it more engaging for the reader.

Lastly, the final line "That blooms devoid of thorn's" seems to be missing a word or phrase to complete the thought. As it stands, it's unclear what the rose is devoid of. This could be an opportunity to add another layer of meaning or symbolism to the poem.

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