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GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
It's been so many years
Yet I'll never forget that day,
I thought that she was special
Yet I let her slip away.
I tried to make it work
I might have tried a bit too hard,
I'd been searching for one just like her
I may have overplayed my card.
It was early on a sunlit morning
I thought our stars were all aligned,
I still remember every second
Of the bond we soon would find.
The morning nearly perfect
A lake without a ripple or a wave,
Just the two of us together
On a day forever, I would save.
A rented boat to set the scene
A purchased item laced with gold,
And when the time was perfect
I made my presentation, ever bold.
The beauty of her rainbow colors
A more perfect one I'll never see,
A trout I released with mixed emotions
Some thing are just not meant to be.
Now she's been gone for many years
Yet after all time I miss her still,
But I'll always have those memories
And that gold laced fishing fly as well.
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neopoet
Mon, 2023-09-18 18:30
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN" demonstrates a strong narrative and a clear progression of events. However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement.
The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, which aids in the flow and readability. However, the meter is inconsistent, which can disrupt the rhythm. Consider revising the poem to ensure a more consistent meter, which can enhance the overall musicality and flow of the poem.
The twist at the end, where it's revealed that the subject of the poem is a trout, is unexpected and adds an interesting layer to the poem. However, the transition could be smoother. The sudden shift from a romantic tone to the revelation about the trout could be jarring for some readers. Consider adding more hints earlier in the poem to prepare the reader for this twist.
The poem could also benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While there are some descriptive lines, such as "A lake without a ripple or a wave," much of the poem tells the reader what happened rather than showing them. Using more sensory details and concrete images can make the poem more engaging and immersive.
Lastly, the poem could explore the speaker's emotions more deeply. While the poem tells the reader that the speaker misses the trout, it doesn't delve into the specifics of these feelings. Exploring these emotions in more depth can make the poem more relatable and emotionally resonant.
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Lavender
Mon, 2023-09-18 13:17
Gone But Not Forgotten
Hello, William!
Big grin, here! Well played! If this truly happened, I imagine the story gets richer with age. The pace may need tightening here and there a tad, and "On a day forever, I would save" feels a bit awkward, but that is probably just me. Really enjoyed this. Nice to know she's out there somewhere - swimming with the fishes.
Thank you!
L
William Lynn
Mon, 2023-09-18 20:27
It did truly happen. I've
It did truly happen. I've had a few "real" lost loves but this one was fun to write about. The others, not so much. As usual, thanks for your comments, they are always appreciated. - Will
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2023-09-18 15:49
I could not imagine...
a more satisfying day. I love fishing, and this took me quite by surprise. I was expecting a poem about a lost love! Very nicely done! Your title is good, it brought me in; the language is equally good, and the rhyme is tight. I would change the start of the last line, first stanza to read [But]. The theme is good and brought me some memories of my own. The whole of the piece is presented as story well told. Nice job, ~ Geezer.
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William Lynn
Mon, 2023-09-18 20:31
Hi Geezer. I was hoping to
Hi Geezer. I was hoping to "reel in" the reader and I'm glad it worked. While this was a real experience, it was certainly not my only lost love, as some were "real", rather than "reel", and not worthy of a poem or much else.
Thanks as always for taking the time to read and comment. As always, Will
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