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Hen pecked!

Submitted by Leslie on Sat, 2024-06-08 08:22

Cock-a-doodle doo!
Rooster cried out
as tarantula crept
across the barren yard
the hens were assembled
who then dismembered
the spider, leg by leg
till its body was gone
they then reassembled
and scurried off unhindered
to devour another victim
at the crack of dawn!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
My uncle was a farmer and told me this story.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-06-08 14:22

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively utilizes imagery and action to create a vivid scene. The use of onomatopoeia in the first line immediately sets the tone and the setting. The narrative is clear and the progression of events is logical and easy to follow.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, the rhythm of the poem could be more consistent. Some lines have more syllables than others, which disrupts the flow. Consider revising the poem to have a more consistent rhythm.

Secondly, the use of the word 'dismembered' might be too graphic for some readers. While it does create a strong image, consider if this is the tone you want to set for your poem. If not, a less graphic word could be used.

Lastly, there's a small grammatical error in the line 'till it's body was gone'. 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is' or 'it has', while 'its' is the possessive form of 'it'. The correct form to use in this line would be 'its'.

Overall, this poem does a good job of creating a vivid and engaging scene. With some minor revisions, it could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

tyro

Sun, 2024-06-09 13:01

Such a normal event on the farm, but so beautiful when mirrored by a well writen poem.
a beautiful cameo.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

Leslie

Sun, 2024-06-09 13:39

Leslie's picture

Thanks for reading this!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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