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A Psalm!
Where is He to be found?
In the garden of the Lord, the sacred grove?
He anointed mine eyes with oil
I saw and heard great and mysterious things
He led me to the greenest pastures
I fainted by the wayside
and though mine eyes had seen great things
I felt less than a grain of sand
his staff and his robe they comfort me
He has defended me when I was threatened
in the wilderness, when I cried out
oh Lord I am not what a man should be
you shake your fist at my darkness
you call out my name which is forever upon your lips
and I know that your salvation is near unto me
ever beckoning me onward through trials and tribulations
I know not what my purpose is, but this I know
you are the God of gods and the King of kings
for forever you have protected and watched over me
you have not let my enemies conspire against me
and though my light is small and diminished
I know that it will continue to burn me
and that death will not prevail against me.
Thou hast turned away chastisement from me
and I know not why
You have spoken to me as a child and revealed the mysteries of godliness
and I have held thy words in my heart
and if all hell conspires against me I know in whom I have trusted
though I am low to the dust I will sanctify thy name in my heart
and give place for thy words, for thy words will never fail
and I will receive that portion appointed me once again in the resurrection!.
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
Do to circumstances beyond my control, I was moved upon to write about what I truly feel and know!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-06-15 12:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Psalm!" demonstrates a strong use of religious imagery and language, which effectively conveys a sense of spiritual struggle and faith. The speaker's journey from doubt to conviction is well-structured, providing a clear narrative arc that can engage readers.
The poem could benefit from a more varied use of line length and rhythm. Currently, the lines are fairly uniform in length, which can create a monotonous reading experience. Experimenting with shorter or longer lines, or varying the rhythm within lines, could add dynamism and better reflect the emotional journey of the speaker.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show the speaker's experiences. For instance, lines like "I felt less than a grain of sand" and "you have not let my enemies conspire against me" tell the reader what is happening, but don't provide much sensory detail or imagery. Revising these lines to show these experiences more vividly could make the poem more engaging and emotionally resonant.
The poem's language is quite formal and archaic, which fits with its religious theme and the tradition of psalms. However, this can also make the poem less accessible to some readers. The poet might consider whether this is the effect they want, or whether they might want to incorporate more contemporary language to make the poem more relatable.
Lastly, the poem's ending could be strengthened. The final line, "and I will receive that portion appointed me once again in the resurrection!" is a powerful statement of faith, but it doesn't provide a clear resolution or new insight. The poet might consider revising this line to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Sun, 2024-06-16 12:31
A Psalm
Hello, Leslie,
I sense the intimacy you have with this. As there are 150 psalms, you have created your own #151. The psalms have always been poetic. I am happy that this brings you peace.
L
Leslie
Mon, 2024-06-17 04:43
L
The Psalms do bring me peace. Thank you for reading!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
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