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Starting over!

My mind is surrounded with confusion,
my heart a broken vessel of glass.
The promises that I once held to
have vanished into the past.
I look to the heavens for comfort
there's nothing therein to be found.
The children that thou once gave me
are scattered as chaff with the wind.
I find no solace nor purpose
I no longer know where to begin
And though suffering does have its virtues
I long to head homeward again!
but will I meet your approval
or a railing accusation from within
I cannot tell, I do not care
I want to start over again!

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I was denied new choice waiver and may have nowhere to go. This is a reflection of my mind over the last 24 hours!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Starting Over" presents a vivid picture of a character in distress, longing for a fresh start. The use of metaphors, such as "my heart a broken vessel of glass," effectively communicates the speaker's emotional state. However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its musicality and readability.

The poem's theme of longing for redemption and starting anew is clear, but the narrative could be more coherent if the relationship between the speaker and the "you" mentioned in the poem is clarified. Is the "you" a loved one, a divine entity, or an internal voice? Clarifying this could add depth to the poem.

The line "The children that thou once gave me are scattered as chaff with the wind" seems to shift in tone and language, using archaic language ("thou") that is not present elsewhere in the poem. Consistency in language use throughout the poem could enhance its overall impact.

The ending of the poem effectively communicates the speaker's desire to start over, regardless of potential judgment. However, the line "I cannot tell, I do not care" could be rephrased to maintain the poem's overall tone of longing and despair, as the current phrasing might be interpreted as indifference or defiance, which seems to contrast with the rest of the poem.

In summary, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and rhyme, clarification of the relationship between the speaker and the "you", consistency in language use, and careful consideration of tone.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

the thought of you being homeless and without shelter, a tragedy! I'm not sure of what a new choice waiver is, and hopefully, you will be able to find a domicile, where you may continue to utilize whatever means you have to access our site and post your work. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS THAT, I HOPE! THE RESIDENT ADVOCATE THINKS THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO STAY HERE, BUT
NOTHING IS CERTAIN. IT'S THE WAY I REACTED EMOTIONALLY THAT TRIGGERED THE POEM AND I'M NOT AS WORRIED AS I WAS. I DIDN'T MEAN TO DISTURB ANYONE. SORRY, THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

of our family, we are always concerned about you. Not to worry about disturbing anyone. I hope that you are right, and you will be allowed to stay where you are. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thanks for your friendship!
mmp

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment
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