Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Remember Atlantis!

Submitted by Leslie on Sat, 2024-06-01 16:21

Remember Atlantis,
taken up to the sky!
Enoch raised a city
that was lifted on high.
Rivers and mountains
He moved out of their course.
Giants and despots,
removed them by force!
Out of the country
He appeared with a book.
With the power therein
the whole world shook.
The book of Adam
which He never forsook.
Preaching repentance
that the whole world might see,
the pathway to heaven
in an infinite degree.
A people established
only one of a kind
their mantra to be
of one heart and one mind!
A city they built
taken up from the sea.
to dwell in the heavens
and that eternally!

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a narrative from the apocrypha. Just take it for what is worth to you!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-06-01 22:21

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Remember Atlantis!" presents a vivid narrative, drawing on elements of mythology and spirituality. However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the rhythm of the poem seems inconsistent. While some lines adhere to a rhythmic pattern, others deviate significantly. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract the reader. It may be beneficial to revise the poem with a focus on maintaining a consistent rhythm throughout.

Secondly, the poem's narrative could be clarified. While the references to Atlantis, Enoch, and the book of Adam suggest a blending of various mythologies and religious texts, it's not entirely clear how these elements connect within the context of the poem. Providing more explicit links between these elements could help the reader better understand the intended narrative.

Lastly, the poem's language could be more evocative. While the poem does use some descriptive language, there are opportunities to further engage the reader's senses and emotions. For example, instead of simply stating that "He moved out of their course," the poem could describe the physical effort or the visual spectacle of this action.

In conclusion, while the poem presents an intriguing blend of mythological and spiritual elements, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm, clearer narrative connections, and more evocative language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.