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I forgive!
Soaring above the clouds of conceit
searching for some sort of spiritual relief
seeking a mantra to suit my own time
something impressive to placate my mind
to give my heart meaning, as I address
the questions that seem to so heavily press
words slowly form upon my lips
fluently pass from the inner abyss
into a notion so sublime and true
that allow me to say that I forgive you!
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
I've been fighting off feelings of anger lately!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-05-17 00:04
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem demonstrates a clear journey of self-reflection and forgiveness, with a strong ending that ties the theme together. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and depth.
1. Imagery: The first line introduces a metaphor of "soaring above the clouds of conceit," which is a strong image. However, the poem could benefit from further development of this metaphor throughout, to create a more cohesive and vivid picture for the reader.
2. Rhythm and Rhyme: The poem has an inconsistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. While free verse does not need to adhere to a strict pattern, having some consistency can help the flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
3. Word Choice: The poem uses abstract concepts like "spiritual relief" and "inner abyss." While these phrases convey the speaker's emotional state, they could be more effective if replaced with concrete images or specific examples that show the reader what these states look like.
4. Line Breaks: The line breaks in the poem seem arbitrary and do not contribute to the overall rhythm or meaning of the poem. Consider revising the line breaks to emphasize key moments or ideas in the poem.
5. Theme Development: The theme of forgiveness is introduced at the end of the poem. Consider weaving this theme in earlier to create a more cohesive narrative and to build up to the final line.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
tyro
Sat, 2024-05-18 11:55
a beautiful poem, I like it;
a beautiful poem, I like it; though I must admit the last line took me by surprise, as it changes the whole reading.
the poem for me speaks of reaching a spiritual level of selflessness.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Leslie
Sat, 2024-05-18 15:43
Tyro
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
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