Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Okay
A drop of rain falls on my head
Watch silver moonlight dance through my curtain threads
I feel you smile, it echoes from a million miles away
A vast remembrance that everything around might be okay
A blissful evening, spent wandering the open plains
Taste for adventure, a blooming passion growing in my veins
Colour-filled canvases, each stroke so intricate, complete
The swirls surround me, eluding to the road that I might reach
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Fri, 2023-03-10 05:03
Wow
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Jackweb
Fri, 2023-03-10 06:27
Wow
This is a brilliant write! Well done!
I just observed this line:
Did you intend to write 'I feel (your smile)
or
I feel (you smile)
.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Rula
Fri, 2023-03-10 06:29
Wow
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Rula
Fri, 2023-03-10 06:29
Wow
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Geezer
Fri, 2023-03-10 10:48
There are...
too many words in this one for me.
You could do with fewer words and still have the sweeping
feeling of a blissful evening. My take on this peaceful, calm scene?
A drop of rain falls on my head
Silver moonlight dances on my curtain threads
I feel your smile echo from a million miles away
An calm, understanding that things may be okay
A blissful evening, spent wandering the open plains
Taste for adventure, passion growing in my veins
Colour-filled canvases, intricate strokes complete
Swirls surround me, [alluding] to roads I might reach
As always, these adaptations are yours to adopt or modify
or you may have some different ideas of your own.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Fri, 2023-03-10 11:37
Okay
Hello, Flower Girl,
This is such a delightful poem - freeing, happy. And that smile that echoes from a million miles away is joyful! Very clever line! Because of these things I feel from this poem, I agree with Geezer. The extra words are a bit too heavy, holding the piece back from flowing in its whimsical way. Another suggestion here: I don't get the feeling things "might" or "may" be okay - it feels that they "will" be okay. (Actually, better than okay, but that's my interpretation. And a longer title.)
Enjoyed your poem!
L