The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively communicates a sense of longing and despair, utilizing emotional language to convey the speaker's desire to be remembered. However, there are areas where the poem could potentially be improved.

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from the use of more concrete imagery. While the emotional state of the speaker is clear, the poem lacks vivid, sensory details that could make the emotions more palpitable to the reader. For example, instead of stating "This agony, This pain," the speaker could describe the physical sensations associated with these feelings.

2. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader how the speaker is feeling, rather than showing these emotions through actions or descriptions. For instance, instead of saying "my heart can't bear," the speaker could describe the sensation of a heavy heart or a tightening chest.

3. Structure and Rhythm: The poem's structure is somewhat irregular, with lines of varying lengths and rhythms. While this can sometimes be used to great effect, in this case it may disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with a more consistent structure could improve the poem's rhythm and readability.

4. Word Choice: The language used in the poem is quite straightforward and simple. While this can make the poem accessible, it also limits its depth and richness. Experimenting with more complex or unusual word choices could add layers of meaning to the poem.

5. Theme Development: The theme of longing for recognition and fear of insignificance is a powerful one, but it could be developed further. The speaker could explore why they fear being forgotten, what they believe recognition would bring them, or how this fear impacts their behavior or relationships.

In summary, while the poem effectively communicates a strong emotional state, it could be strengthened by the use of more concrete imagery, showing rather than telling, a more consistent structure, richer language, and a deeper exploration of its themes.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Mini,
I feel the suffering here. I somewhat agree with needing more imagery, but yet understand it to be a brief declaration of loss. Very revealing and sad final line which I hope is more poetic license than fact.
Thank you!
L

❤️