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Sunset

Submitted by Mini on Thu, 2024-05-16 18:09

The sunset is beautiful
Isn't it
Such mesmerising and divine thing
That can take your breath away
Such gorgeous colors
Such a lovely view
But it will end soon
It has to end
It's meant to be like that
And i have to be aware of that

Style / type: 
Free verse
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Fri, 2024-05-17 00:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "Sunset," effectively utilizes the metaphor of a sunset to explore themes of beauty, transience, and acceptance. The rhetorical question in the second line serves to engage the reader and establish a contemplative tone.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the phrases "mesmerising and divine thing" and "gorgeous colors" convey the speaker's admiration for the sunset, they are somewhat generic. Consider using more concrete language to describe the sunset and its colors. This could help to create a more immersive and emotionally resonant experience for the reader.

The poem's exploration of transience and acceptance in the final lines is thought-provoking. Yet, the phrase "It's meant to be like that" is somewhat ambiguous. It could be helpful to clarify what exactly is "meant to be like that." Is it the sunset itself, its fleeting nature, or perhaps something else? Providing more context could enhance the poem's thematic depth and resonance.

The structure and rhythm of the poem could also be refined. The poem currently consists of single-line stanzas, which can create a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Consider experimenting with multi-line stanzas or varying the length of your lines to create a more dynamic rhythm.

Lastly, the poem's punctuation is inconsistent. Some lines end with a period, while others do not. Consistent punctuation could improve the poem's readability and flow.

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Geezer

Fri, 2024-05-17 10:25

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If there is any punctuation that I feel always needs to be used, it is a question mark.
Maybe you should use another word, rather than [such] in the lines of: "Such a mesmerizing thing" and "Such gorgeous colors"
I'm sure that you can think of a different way to express these thoughts. Maybe you could say "It is a mesmerizing and divine thing"
and "So many gorgeous colors". The line "It's meant to be like that" could be rephrased as "It is meant to be." Nice stuff. ~ Geezer.
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