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Worth the Risk

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Tue, 2023-12-19 15:19

I'd rather bleed over a mistake
Than mourn a choice I didn't make
Being unable to rewind the clock
Is better than never trying the lock

It's better to take a risk for your life's goal
Than sit and watch the fire burn out slow
Life is full of chances, they're worth the pain
Don't pass them by, they'll build your name

Take a risk on the curveball life's throwing
Don't spend your life in safety, never knowing

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Yes, I know this sucks, but I had the idea and wanted opinions. How can I make it better?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 12/17/23 to 12/23/23
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-12-19 21:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Overall, your poem "Worth the Risk" conveys a clear message about the importance of taking risks and seizing opportunities in life. The use of concise and direct language helps to emphasize the central theme. However, there are a few areas where you could further enhance the impact of your poem.

Firstly, consider varying the rhyme scheme and meter to add more depth and musicality to your poem. Currently, the poem follows a simple AABB rhyme scheme, which can become predictable and monotonous for the reader. Experimenting with different rhyme patterns and meters can create a more engaging and dynamic flow.

Additionally, you could explore using more vivid and descriptive language to evoke stronger emotions and imagery. For example, instead of saying "Being unable to rewind the clock," you could use more evocative language like "Trapped in the unyielding grip of time." This would add a layer of depth and intensity to your poem.

Lastly, consider expanding on the idea of the consequences of not taking risks

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Geezer

Wed, 2023-12-20 11:55

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the length of the lines just doesn't seem right, I'm not sure of why. I gave you what I came up with in just a few minutes.

I'd rather bleed in a mistake
Than mourn a choice I didn't make
Being unable to rewind life's clock
Is better than never trying the lock

It's better to risk, for life's goal
Don't sit and watch the fire burn low
Take life's chances, it's worth the pain
Don't pass them by, build up your name

Take a swing at the curveballs thrown
Don't spend your life in the safety known

If you would like to use anything I've given you, feel free.
Twist the lines and words as I did, I'm sure you will see what to do.

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