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the moment u left me
my heart split in two.one side filled with memories, the other side died with you. i often lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep,and take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheek rembering you is easy,i do it every day buut missing you is a heartache that never goes away,i hold u tightly within my heart and there you will remain you see life has gone on without you but will never be the same
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-07-14 02:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem, "the moment u left me." I appreciate the emotional depth and sincerity expressed in your words. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
1. Structure and Punctuation: Consider adding punctuation marks to enhance the clarity and flow of your poem. This will help guide the reader's understanding and create a more cohesive structure.
2. Metaphorical Language: While your poem conveys strong emotions, it could benefit from the use of more vivid and imaginative language. Consider incorporating metaphors or similes to create a richer and more engaging experience for the reader.
3. Show, Don't Tell: Instead of directly stating your emotions, try to show them through sensory details or specific imagery. This will allow the reader to connect with your experience on a deeper level.
4. Consistency of Tone: Pay attention to the consistency of your tone throughout the poem. Some lines feel more introspective and reflective, while others have a more direct and straightforward tone. Strive for a
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Fri, 2023-07-14 13:27
the moment u left me
Hello!
I see from your profile that you are also involved with music - this particular piece feels very much like a song in its rhythm and language. It may help the reader with the flow if you separated the lines like so:
My heart split in two,
one side filled with memories,
the other side died with you.
I do understand the feelings within your poem, the heartbreak and loss. I'm also wanting a bit more depth from it, too. I'll return to read again!
Thank you!
Lavender