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20 [or, only human.]
Sinew, was your name,
Blood of wires,
Ball joints, metal frame.
mechanical whirring when you turn your head.
what a disgusting face
Every morning, putting on your metal mask
Stagnant, stone like,
before you leave the house,
Melting away into the crowd,
click, click, click
gears that move in sync,
but never go Anywhere.
So putridly loud.
Your flesh is only vines on
silver bones.
Don't you miss your home?
That steel veil
cuts into your
throbbing wounds that never seem to heal;
slicing away at it's structure and making
something new.
Reborn again
Be you lion or lamb.
it doesn't matter.
yet you prevail
But to be human, is to be alive.
To be alive
is to feel pain.
But you are empty.
Oh,
so hollow,
the special kind of sorrow
that eats away at you
Your guts fall to the floor
I see through you at last
crystal clear,
You are only
a mirror, and you are me.
I am only human.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-06-15 05:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "20 [or, only human.]" is a powerful exploration of the theme of humanity and the limitations of technology. The use of vivid imagery and metaphors, such as "Sinew, was your name" and "Your flesh is only vines on silver bones," effectively convey the speaker's disdain for the mechanical and artificial. The repetition of "click, click, click" and "so hollow" further emphasizes the emptiness and lack of substance in the subject.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened. The use of capitalization in the middle of lines, while it may be stylistic, can be distracting and take away from the flow of the poem. Additionally, some of the lines could benefit from more precise language or phrasing, such as "Melting away into the crowd" or "Your guts fall to the floor."
Overall, "20 [or, only human.]" is a thought-provoking and well-crafted poem that effectively
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Seren
Thu, 2023-06-15 08:14
Dear M4G
I have over time read a few of your poems, and I think this is one of your best, I really like all of it, I have to agree with the AI on the capitalized letters, it's like you're all of a sudden yelling, I think with that one small change it could be the difference between a good poem and a great poem.
This explores our humanity and what we are becoming with the advent of more and more technology.
Well done!
Kind Regards
Seren :)
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Thu, 2023-06-15 10:52
Thank you!!
your kind words are very appreciated :) i have made the edit!!
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
author commentSeren
Thu, 2023-06-15 10:59
That makes all the difference
That makes all the difference it even looks better!!
You're welcome
Hugs Seren
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats