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28

Submitted by M4GG0TM3NT4L on Mon, 2024-01-29 15:23

Beady eyes of the ape peer through bars of a cage.
You, and the primate, are one in the same,
Your heartbeats connected by warm blood, and years of developing apart.
Bum-bum, bum-bum
The last time you went to the zoo, did you meet the gaze of the animals?
We're animals too, despite our technical process and egotistical declaration of being better, smarter.
The difference, between you and that ape, are the bars separating you.
Bum-bum bum-bum
You've felt rage, anger, fear,
The ape before you, however
Would be killed for expressing that.
For acting out when prodded and poked,
Provoked until
SNAP. BANG. GONE.
and that heartbeat will end, dropping
Coldly to the floor.
We are all connected by that little sound, simple,
And often taken for granted.
Examine, the primates corpse and ask yourself,
Are we really any better?

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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-01-29 21:23

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "28" explores the interconnectedness between humans and animals, specifically focusing on the similarities between humans and apes. The imagery of the ape's eyes peering through the bars of a cage effectively conveys a sense of confinement and captivity. The repetition of the heartbeat sound, "bum-bum," adds a rhythmic quality to the poem and emphasizes the shared life force between humans and animals.

One suggestion for improvement is to further develop the theme of the poem. While the poem raises thought-provoking questions about the treatment of animals and the notion of superiority, it could benefit from providing more specific examples or anecdotes to support these ideas. This would help to engage the reader on a deeper level and make the message of the poem more impactful.

Additionally, consider refining the language and imagery used in the poem. While the poem effectively conveys its message, there may be opportunities to enhance the descriptive language and create more vivid imagery. This could help to evoke stronger emotions and create a more immersive

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-01-30 09:34

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I don't visit zoos any longer. I know they have their value in certain situations, but I just can't be a part of the crowd peering in. Your poem is almost hard to read, its content so intense. But it is full of compassion and empathy, too.
Thank you,
L

Geezer

Tue, 2024-01-30 09:42

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that the story is most intriguing and tells the tale of our closest relative. Looking at the eyes of any "great ape", seeing the
interest in the world around them, should tell you all you need to know. I see your point, if an ape were to act out, like we do, we would most certainly be called animals! Yet, humans... You could make this better, by using a bit more descriptive language and show, rather than tell. ~ Geezer.
.

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