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13

Submitted by M4GG0TM3NT4L on Thu, 2023-04-20 15:39

It's so loud.
Shrouded with sound that never
dissipates,
Get away from me.
The hatred that spears and twists in my body
Can't you feel it?
Be quiet.
I can't handle all this noise
An ocean without shores rocking me
back and forth
What am I to do if it happens again?
floating adrift,
What exactly
am I
hiding from?
An awful blade
that cuts away at me
reshaping my face and body
until i become someone else
anyone else.
Why won't it stop?
I did everything correctly
methodically changing myself to be better
but the rot always sets in anyway
eating away at my flesh
leaving horribly ugly scars and wounds
in its wake
And I still have to
Wake up
and see the sun.
Sometimes I look back on the times we had together
And remember that you were human
where was that humanity when I needed it?
You who dragged me deeper into the sea
I almost forgive you.
The sun still shines just as brightly
and the days go on and on and on
If you are drowning, I'm sorry
But there is nothing for me to do.
Right now,
I am suffocating.
Right now, I drown as you might be
Sometimes it is my own fault
for a blade cannot act on its own.
I hope they find me on the ocean floor,
Reduced to nothing but bone.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Thu, 2023-04-20 15:39

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "13" is a powerful and emotional piece that explores the themes of pain, self-doubt, and betrayal. The use of vivid imagery and metaphors effectively portrays the speaker's inner turmoil and the overwhelming feeling of being suffocated by the world around them. The repetition of "It's so loud" and "Why won't it stop?" emphasizes the speaker's desperation and frustration, making the reader feel their pain.

One suggested line edit would be to change "A awful blade" to "An awful blade" for grammatical correctness.

The line "I almost forgive you" adds a layer of complexity to the poem, highlighting the speaker's struggle to come to terms with their own emotions and the actions of others. The ending lines about being reduced to nothing but bone on the ocean floor are haunting and leave a lasting impact on the reader.

Overall, "13" is a well-crafted and emotionally charged poem that effectively conveys the speaker's pain and struggle. The use of imagery and metaphors is particularly effective in bringing the reader into the speaker's world and making them feel their pain.

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