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14
Reborn, every morning
New eyes, without tears
But the same mind
The cold metal lay useless,
stained with blood
Don't look at it,
not for too long
You, who is covered in
stripes of your pain.
Ugly scars upon your legs,
They heal, but remain.
Remember;
You chose this for yourself.
Oh, won't you hold me closer,
tighter and tighter,
until your nails dig into my skin
I don't care if I bleed.
I need to be with you
I miss you, even if you're next to me
Can't you feel my heartbeat?
bum-bum bum-bum
bum-bum bum-bum
The never ending hum of my veins
You, ever more consuming my brain
You're so beautiful,
I can't help but stare
Forgive me if I glare, at those who
Get too close to you,
I can't stand to lose you,
I really don't know why I'm like this
I've never felt like this for anyone before
I fear,
One day I will wake
and we'll never be in the same room again,
Tear, into my flesh with your teeth,
eating away at all that's underneath
So we can be forever near,
I need you,
Though I am covered in disgusting pink lines
you're still,
so, so kind,
bum-bum bum-bum
bum-bum bum-bum
I live for you
and I hope you'll be the death of me,
blood courses through me
sometimes it hurts to breathe
but you make it easier
waking up in my own bed.
I realize this head is not mine,
but yours.
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-05-08 14:51
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem has a dark and intense tone that creates a sense of anxiety and obsession. The speaker's longing for their lover is palpable, but it is also tinged with a sense of possession and control. The recurring use of the heartbeat as a metaphor for the speaker's emotions is effective in conveying their intensity, but it also becomes repetitive and loses some of its impact towards the end.
One suggested line edit would be to change "disgusting pink lines" to "ugly scars" in the third stanza. This would make the language more concise and consistent with the imagery used earlier in the poem.
Overall, the poem effectively captures the speaker's overwhelming emotions, but it could benefit from some variation in tone and imagery to prevent it from becoming too monotonous.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact