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2

insert the needle into the brain
and sew it shut.
it no longer wishes for pain
take the open vein
and sew it shut.
melting into the fog as it shrouds
dissapearing into every crowd, surrounded yet
standing alone
another statistic, another hunk of bone
should my eyes begin to wet
sew them shut.
there's no use for tears, no matter how much the pain rears it's ugly head
the rain sings a chorus,
of why I should be dead

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
another one that's been swimming in my mind for a while
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it messed up the formatting </3

-m4gg0t was here

you could call me soph if you'd like. 

       The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.

author comment

I’m not exactly sure how it is supposed to look but I read it differently. I understand the rhythm of it and it’s actually quite good while still being loose. The patterns I think I’m seeing are unique and that makes for an interesting rhythm.

Tim

and sew good! I get the thrust of it, the sewing shut of the parts that do not agree. I can think of a million reasons not to be dead. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thank you guys for reading :)

-m4gg0t was here

you could call me soph if you'd like. 

       The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.

author comment

much pain .well expressed
Nothing to suggest.
Be well.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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