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balance
must balance the linear world abstract thought with the biological and work education a scohesion makes better mind bodies and souls after or before work or school go jogging or a walk in a park
too much speculation especially with people that dont talk some could be true but strange
too much food no good or work or school
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
i hope you agree
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Tue, 2022-10-04 18:43
balance
Hi, Victor,
In your last few words, you've stated that you hope the reader agrees. I've read several of your pieces and usually can find your theme or intention, but not without intensely hunting for it due to the form you choose for your poetry. It's hard to know when one thought or sentence is complete. I'm hoping to enjoy more of your material, but find it challenging to read. A more conventional form would be wonderful!
Thank you,
L
victor dyck
Tue, 2022-10-04 19:20
syntax
okay i will try to right them that way
author commentLavender
Tue, 2022-10-04 19:35
Hi, Victor,
Appreciated! :)
Thank you very much!
L
victor dyck
Tue, 2022-10-04 20:23
published
did you know i have seven books on amazon
author commentLavender
Tue, 2022-10-04 20:30
Hi, Victor,
Yes! I read your profile! Many congratulations!
L