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inbetween
inbetween people and objects is transformations to prepare for the next realities
like days of the week like in the park between trees something in the air
birds anmals insects experience this the interplay sunshine and leaves shadows
expectation different than realites in the summer morning fog
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
i hope this makes people feel and think
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Mr joghe
Tue, 2022-10-11 16:59
Good write.
Good write.
You can break the poem lines more than this to make it simple.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-10-12 05:00
I agree
Maybe try this
inbetween people and objects
are transformations
to prepare for the next realities
like days of the week
like in the park, between trees
something in the air
birds, animals, insects
experience this, the interplay
sunshine and leaves, shadows
expectation different than realities
in the summer morning fog
That’s how I read it as far as pacing. I corrected a few typos too.
I think it’s great. Nice job with the images.
Tim
Mr joghe
Wed, 2022-10-12 16:44
Nice job!
Nice job!
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."