Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Six Teen
It all boils down to numbers, you know.
How many days do I have left to live?
The grass beneath my feet, how many blades?
1, 2, 3, 4
Even numbers are the sweetest,
breathe in.
5, 6, 7, 8
breath out.
Persuading my mind to become calm,
The days go by, and by, and by,
How long have I lived for?
100 years.
each day begins with me being enveloped in fear
will I die this day? tomorrow?
Counting down to my
demise
The sun rises again,
and I breathe in,
9, 10, 11, 12
and out.
Always at the back of my mind,
The next second could be my last
The weeks are Long, but fast.
I only want to cling to you
A little longer,
Holding you tighter and tighter
until I can't ever let you go again.
each fleeting moment with you, my love,
is more important than I am as a whole.
A hole, torn into my soft skin where
You once were.
I can't remember when I saw you last,
Yesterday? 2 months?
I miss you horribly
13, 14, 15, 16
The blood seeps into the wall and rots as the years go by.
I love you.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-05-18 14:02
Neopoet AI
Watch this space! Our AI is thinking of a response. This typically takes up to 10 minutes.
Geezer
Fri, 2023-05-19 09:20
I am...
thinking that I will come back to this a bit later. I need a little time to process this one. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Fri, 2023-05-19 11:14
I hope!
you mean that in a good way lol!
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2023-05-20 11:38
The reason...
I wanted some time to process this one
was because I was pretty tired and wanted to be fresh when I sussed it out.
Plus, I wanted to read one of Poe's poems that this one reminded me of.
Yes, "The Telltale Heart", The counting, didn't make a connection for me at first,
but as I read it, the numbers resuming and the breathing in and out, it made an impression on me,
like the beating of a heart, and then I thought of "The Fall of the House of Usher".
This has so many qualities that feel like a Poe tale, that I felt you had taken
a bit from each story and added them to your own. "The blood seeps into the wall and rots
as the years go by". "I love you". Clinches it for me. This is great stuff~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Sat, 2023-05-20 15:37
thank you so much!!
I'm very honored to be compared to Poe!! your kind words mean a lot :)
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
author comment